what is the need to inform everybody that i’m drowning? can i be dissolved now and take all the hurt with me? why is it necessary to let it out like this?

who are you to be the biggest person in my life and unknowingly force myself into halt when you’re not around? who am i in your world?

do you still care?

Welcome to the planet. welcome to existence
Everyone’s here, everyone’s here
Everybody’s watching you now, everybody waits for you now
What happens next, what happens next

[Chorus]
I dare you to move, I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move, I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout, welcome to resistance
The tension is here, tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

[Bridge]
Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

Waking up ignoring a dump
seems each night is a bump
moving the stillness of this cloud
may this answer the immense slump

Carrying the unbearable
with sight seemingly unable
emptiness discreetly skin deep
damn make life a bit stable

Yearning to assert your name
above the waters kept me sane
shouting this heart aloud
dawn quite catered the same

Grasp this soul insistent and great
while disbelief in avid fate
draw your bond and depart
cease the sore and endless ache

Of this moon my dearest
passion seem had it blessed
calm this essence make it ease
steal the mist unto your vest

-kiko

FLASHBACK
One of the most interesting part of my childhood are game consoles.  I started with an Atari 2600 at home and since then, oddly enough, we never got hold of a new one.  It took me guts to cut classes just to answer that passion since learning a lot of new stuff going out.  From SNES, SEGA and digging arcades from all the corners of our town.  Apparently, time spoke for itself that NOT everybody has to own consoles just to be in mainstream.  Answer: your home PC.

TO HADOUKEN OR NOT TO HADOUKEN
Being one of the cornerstones, not to mention the foundation of my geek territory, CAPCOM’s Street Fighter was a god.  It has practically invaded a large part of my childhood.  All those time, legit or not, that I spent on gaming and arcade shops are way too planted in my system like a haunting dark past.  This passion, still,  is currently and depressingly sustained by game emulators that you can find all over the web.

With those tiny pieces combined, nostalgia came knocking in when I knew about this:

Imagine those gamepad maneuvers that we geeked on the past couple of years, all of them rushing back at full throttle.  If i remember precisely, the last time I played Super Street Fighter Zero II was 2003 when my younger brother used to force me in teaching him how to acquire Akuma (remember how they used to hide that animal from the list?).

As of now, it is taking me a lot of time to have the PC version.  Hopefully, I can get my hands blistering on those killer combos again.  Vader, help us.

One of them stuff I’ve been busy with lately is reuniting with my first ever love, programming.  I have to choose not to discuss my platform maybe because I don’t want to lecture you with boredom.  But if the stars and moons in the galaxy pushed you here and you happen to be indulged with debugging curiousness, I’d rather share a few ones that I also got tangled into recently.  Read along and learn with me:

Introduction
To be a good programmer is difficult and noble. The hardest part of making real a collective vision of a software project is dealing with one’s coworkers and customers. Writing computer programs is important and takes great intelligence and skill. But it is really child’s play compared to everything else that a good programmer must do to make a software system that succeeds for both the customer and myriad colleagues for whom she is partially responsible. In this essay I attempt to summarize as concisely as possible those things that I wish someone had explained to me when I was twenty-one.

This is very subjective and, therefore, this essay is doomed to be personal and somewhat opinionated. I confine myself to problems that a programmer is very likely to have to face in her work. Many of these problems and their solutions are so general to the human condition that I will probably seem preachy. I hope in spite of this that this essay will be useful.

In this essay the term boss to refer to whomever gives you projects to do. I use the words business, company, and tribe, synonymously except that business connotes moneymaking, company connotes the modern workplace and tribe is generally the people you share loyalty with.  Click here to read further.

-RLR

It’s been a while since I posted my last entry.  Not gonna say sorry coz that’s too much of talking to myself to begin with. Just went thru a lotta shit since then. Hint: Laziness.

Oh well, i’m hoping to share some stuff I’ve been busy with lately. A little bird inspired me to do so… stand by for updates. Or not.

-author

As doctors we can’t undo our mistakes, and we rarely forgive ourselves for them. But, it’s a hazard of the trade. But, as human beings we can always try to do better. To be better. To right a wrong. Even when it feels irreversible.

Of course, I’m sorry doesn’t always cut it. Maybe because we use it so many different ways. As a weapon. As an excuse.

But, when we are really sorry, when we use it right. When we mean it. When our actions say what words never can.

When we get it right “I’m sorry” is perfect. When we get it right, “I’m sorry” is redemption.

*http://www.greysanatomyinsider.com

Defeat isn’t an option, not for surgeons. We don’t back away from the table until the last breath’s long gone.  Terminal’s a challenge.  Life threatening’s what gets us up in the morning.

We’re not easily intimidated.  We don’t flinch.  We don’t back down and we certainly don’t surrender.  Not at work, anyway.

To do our jobs, we have to believe that defeat is not an option, that no matter how sick our patients get, there’s hope for them.  But even if our hope gives way to reality and we finally have to surrender the truth, it just means we’ve lost today’s battle… not tomorrow’s war.

Here’s the thing about surrender.  Once you do it, actually give in.  You forget why you’re fighting in the first place.

“I had a significant year to cap off my 20s…”

That’s the only line I got when the Rushers forced me for a speech on the night (YM conference) of my birthday. Rolling eyes. Pretty much of what I honestly have in mind, really.

Only because the details were quite overwhelming.

It’s been more than a year since I went here in Kuwait and it’s been tough to see yourself one morning… alone and away from everything else you’ve gotten used to. No acquaintances. No sex. No alcohol. No Maxim. No pork. No friends. No family. This is not ranting, as such, but a simple view of retaliation to what I have gained from listening to C&D (TMR@RX931)… because after a couple of tormenting months later, I found The Morning Rush Forum! Being able to squeeze my way to www.rxmorningrush.com (winks@ms.cherry) was probably of the best thing I’ve done since I left home. I can still remember the silly thing that happened back then where I cannot sign up. Buti na lang Admins are accomodating. Sipsip talaga. I found resort to having people’s wit thrown at my face and also found the luxury to respond and speak myself as well. Soon enough, I’ve been acquainted with the Rushers a little bit closer thru the YM… and I have to say: who needs Maxim and alcohol with these bunch of people?! Perverts pala talaga ang mga yun. For once, Chico and Delle were dead serious.

Eventually, home.

I never knew that knowing all these wonderfully sweet, libido sensitive, overly intelligent and hopelessly perverted Rushers will be my shelter while here in the desert. Since May 2008, each day brought out the coolest acquiantances, bonds and friendships (with benefits?) the way I never had before. The codenames that I was just delighted to hear during the show came to life… at least online. I came to share a bit of myself and gained a lot more. This… this right here is something I consider as a gift this year. Call it lame, but I dare you to try the same feat as this and the rest of our OFW community out there before doing so. Nagsunget.

I flew away from home yet I got surrounded with an insanely bigger one.

Watta way to cap off my 20s, right?! There, i said it!

My warm appreciation to those who sent their greetings online, on-air, email, call/text… wag nyo nang uulitin yan. Masasaktan kayo.

To purplerose, hunterlizie, evilinside, twistedsunshine and spammuts… wala lang. Gusto ko lang makita pangalan nyo dito.

*walks away farting*

On one of the mornings I had in updating myself on the NBA, I bumped into this question of one of Yahoo! on NBA’s legion of readers.  I was laughing my head off on collaborating the rosters of the NBA and WWE.  Here’s what I had so far:

Big Ben on Bobby Lashley’s rig:

Dwight absorbing the RKO:

And, of course, KryptoNATE owning The 619:

More to come. Hahaha! =)