Annoying Things to Do in an Elevator

1. Walk on with a cooler that is labeled “HUMAN HEAD” on the side.
2. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering “Shut up, all of you, just shut up!”
3. Crack open your briefcase of purse, and while peering inside, ask, “Got enough air in there?
4. Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
5. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
6. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
7. Meow occasionally.
8. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
9. Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce in horror, “You’re one of THEM” and back away slowly.
10. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

NBA Players of the Week

The Cleveland Cavaliers’ LeBron James and the Phoenix Suns’ Amare Stoudemire today were named the Eastern and Western Conference Players of the Week, respectively, for the week of Nov. 3-9.

James’ league-best 34.5 ppg last week helped Cleveland to a 4-0 mark. With wins over Dallas, Indiana and Chicago twice, the Cavaliers upped their season record to 5-2 and sit alone atop the Central Division. James added 9.8 rebounds, 5.3 assists, 1.8 steals and 1.3 blocks per contest.

With his second steal against Dallas on Nov. 3, James became the youngest (23 years, 308 days) and fastest (395 games) to eclipse the following milestones: 10,000 points, 2,500 rebounds, 2,500 assists, 700 steals and 300 blocks.

Stoudemire led the Suns to a 3-1 week, including victories over the Nets, Pacers and Bucks. Stoudemire averaged 28.3 points, 7.0 rebounds, 3.0 assists, 1.8 steals and 1.5 blocks on the week. He erupted for 49 points on 17-of-21 shooting from the field and 15-of-15 shooting from the foul line in the Suns’ 113-103 victory at Indiana on Nov. 5. For the week, Stoudemire shot .646 (31-of-48) from the field and .927 (51-of-55) from the charity stripe.

Arse Harsh

Fart.

The gas in our intestines comes from several sources: air we swallow, gas seeping into our intestines from our blood, gas produced by chemical reactions in our guts, and gas produced by bacteria living in our guts.

The odor of farts comes from small amounts of hydrogen sulfide gas and skatole in the mixture. These compounds contain sulfur. The more sulfur-rich your diet, the more sulfides and skatole will be produced by the bacteria in your guts, and the more your farts will stink. Foods such as cauliflower, eggs and meat are notorious for producing smelly farts, whereas beans produce large amounts of not particularly stinky farts.

The sounds are produced by vibrations of the anal opening. Sounds depend on the velocity of expulsion of the gas and the tightness of the sphincter muscles of the anus.

Enough Science! Rolling on, here are some type of farts based on the captioned URL below.  Classify the one you did last night or the one you just did seconds ago.